I Can Fight This Feeling...

Nope, that's not a typo, but it did get the old 80's song stuck in my head...and now it's probably in yours too!  Just consider it my little present to you.

ANYWAY...today we got up and thought it would be fun to make cookies (and we might have needed to so that the hubs would have something to take to a carry in at work tomorrow too...) but then discovered we were out of milk and flour.  Enter trip to the grocery store...in the freezing cold...with three kids.  Not my idea of fun.  I dreaded it the entire time we were getting ready (ok, so that probably wasn't the most God glorifying attitude I could have had, but it's the truth!)

After much ado I got all the car seats strapped back into the van (that's another story) and all the kids strapped into said seats and we were off!  We ran a few other errands and then hit the grocery store.  Which was crowded.  Ugh.  It was 10 in the morning on a Wednesday!  Why were all those people there?

The kids (please note in this post when I say "the kids" I am going to be referring strictly to the older two.  The two that were not sitting peacefully in the cart.)   So, the kids were crazy hyper being kids in a really good mood and a little bit too over the top for a grocery store full of elderly people.  (did I not mention that?  Yup, it was full and they were all older people...)

Remembering the reasons I wanted to teach them to behave in public I bent down and had a quite talk with them that went a little something like this, "Hey guys, I know you're excited but remember how we've talked about not everyone being used to kids and the nose they make?  And remember it's really not respectful to the other people around for you to be running around, getting in front of them, and being loud...especially for the people who aren't used to kids being around all the time.  How do you think you should act to show them God's love?"  silence  "You think maybe you should be a little calmer and stay close to the cart?" blank nodding (also interpreted as, just be done talking mom!)

We make it through the store and I have them go sit on a bench as I check out...and then I notice them using their feet to push each other across the bench...but this was NOT being done in fun.  They were getting mad.  One threw a punch.  Another picked up his or her little booted foot and stomped on his or her siblings hand as had as possible...which resulted in screaming and a mommy that just wanted to get out of there!

As I was struggling to not loose it I was reminded of some words I had read that morning.
Words that had discouraged me, rather than encouraging me.
Words that had driven me to my knees over my failure.
Words that caused me to cry out to Christ.
Words that now, in this moment, after the storm, that were quietly reminding me how to respond.  
Specifically, these words:

Today, I will pray to speak words that are only STRONG words, words that make these children feel strong. Grace words. Grace is the only non-toxic air. All other words I breathe are death words.

And because of those words, and all the other words in that post, I called upon my ever-present Savior for patience and help and I chose.  I chose to be thankful.  

Thankful that we went to the grocery store at all, because if we hadn't I wouldn't have seen the water bill that was due that day.

Thankful that my children being in the grocery store brightened the day of many of those aforementioned elderly people.

Thankful that despite the fight on the bench they were now playing happily together.

Thankful that the Holy Spirit alone is able to change my heart.

Thankful that God ordained I read those words that so discouraged me in the morning that I might gain strength from them later.  

Thankful for the struggle that I might better appreciate the peace.

Reminded...Again.

You absolutely can't do it in your own strength.  You can never be strong enough, smart enough, resourceful enough.  Putting others first just doesn't come naturally.  Laying aside what you want, to serve another with grace and contentment - that is what God calls you to.  You can do it only when you rely on the strength that Christ works in your, the love that he supplies, and the perseverance that the Holy Spirit provides.  

                                                                                                                -Ginger Plowman

                                                                                                              Heaven at Home

This is something I need to be reminded of daily.  Christ's love, Christ's strength, Christ's grace, Christ's patience, all of these working through my and pouring out into the lives of my little family are the only way I will ever be able to please Him (or make it through a day without having a temper tantrum for that matter!)  

One example from this week of Christ's grace flowing through me that I'm so grateful for happened on Wednesday.  I've been trying to do a better job of keeping things picked up...and of making sure the kids help.  This doesn't always go over so well.  Like most kids they LOVE making a mess but aren't so keen on cleaning it up.  So Wednesday morning I asked my 4 year old to pick up the toys in the living room (because we'd been doing a good job of keeping stuff picked up there weren't very many!) and she decided to throw a big fit about it.  Normally this would have earned her a spank and then she would have had to pick up the toys away, but I decided to try something different.  

I told her after she finished picking up all the toys she could pick out ONE toy, and that was the only toy she would be playing with for the rest of the day.   Wasn't too tramatic right then, she thought hard about it and then chose her doll house (smart kid!  Way to get a lot of toys all rolled up as one!)  

Anyway, the whole one toy thing didn't seem to impact her much until naptime, when she wanted her doll Fiona.  

THEN, THEN it was the end of the world.  She was tired (it was naptime after all), she and Fiona ALWAYS sleep together, and she was just done.  A large fit ensued.  Normally, in my own strength, by this time in the day, I probably would have been close to loosing it.  I probably would have told her (in no uncertain terms!) that she was acting spoiled and selfish and if she didn't stop she would have to be punished.  BUT on this particular day, because God was pouring out His grace through me I realized what a teachable moment this was.  

I sat down on the edge of the bed and calmly told her I understood how upsetting it was to not have Fi for naptime.  I reminded her how blessed she was to have Fi at all and we talked a little about how much she loves her.  Then I pointed out that the main reason she throws a bit fit about picking up her toys is because she isn't grateful that she has them.  We talked about how God has blessed us with so much and that he expects us to be responsible for what he's given us, for her this means taking care of her toys and picking them up when she's asked to.  Finally we prayed together and thanked God for Fi and all the other toys and then asked that he fill us both with grateful hearts that would rejoice in taking care of the things he has bestowed on us.  

Now, I can't say that all of that made a lasting impact on my 4 year old, but it DID make a lasting impact on me...and it DID stop the fit and allow her to sleep (even without her doll.)  

So, that's it.  Why can't I remember how much better things work out when I do them in HIS strength and not my own?!?!