Sunday, December 19, 2010

I Can Fight This Feeling...

Nope, that's not a typo, but it did get the old 80's song stuck in my head...and now it's probably in yours too!  Just consider it my little present to you. we got up and thought it would be fun to make cookies (and we might have needed to so that the hubs would have something to take to a carry in at work tomorrow too...) but then discovered we were out of milk and flour.  Enter trip to the grocery the freezing cold...with three kids.  Not my idea of fun.  I dreaded it the entire time we were getting ready (ok, so that probably wasn't the most God glorifying attitude I could have had, but it's the truth!)

After much ado I got all the car seats strapped back into the van (that's another story) and all the kids strapped into said seats and we were off!  We ran a few other errands and then hit the grocery store.  Which was crowded.  Ugh.  It was 10 in the morning on a Wednesday!  Why were all those people there?

The kids (please note in this post when I say "the kids" I am going to be referring strictly to the older two.  The two that were not sitting peacefully in the cart.)   So, the kids were crazy hyper being kids in a really good mood and a little bit too over the top for a grocery store full of elderly people.  (did I not mention that?  Yup, it was full and they were all older people...)

Remembering the reasons I wanted to teach them to behave in public I bent down and had a quite talk with them that went a little something like this, "Hey guys, I know you're excited but remember how we've talked about not everyone being used to kids and the nose they make?  And remember it's really not respectful to the other people around for you to be running around, getting in front of them, and being loud...especially for the people who aren't used to kids being around all the time.  How do you think you should act to show them God's love?"  silence  "You think maybe you should be a little calmer and stay close to the cart?" blank nodding (also interpreted as, just be done talking mom!)

We make it through the store and I have them go sit on a bench as I check out...and then I notice them using their feet to push each other across the bench...but this was NOT being done in fun.  They were getting mad.  One threw a punch.  Another picked up his or her little booted foot and stomped on his or her siblings hand as had as possible...which resulted in screaming and a mommy that just wanted to get out of there!

As I was struggling to not loose it I was reminded of some words I had read that morning.
Words that had discouraged me, rather than encouraging me.
Words that had driven me to my knees over my failure.
Words that caused me to cry out to Christ.
Words that now, in this moment, after the storm, that were quietly reminding me how to respond.  
Specifically, these words:

Today, I will pray to speak words that are only STRONG words, words that make these children feel strong. Grace words. Grace is the only non-toxic air. All other words I breathe are death words.

And because of those words, and all the other words in that post, I called upon my ever-present Savior for patience and help and I chose.  I chose to be thankful.  

Thankful that we went to the grocery store at all, because if we hadn't I wouldn't have seen the water bill that was due that day.

Thankful that my children being in the grocery store brightened the day of many of those aforementioned elderly people.

Thankful that despite the fight on the bench they were now playing happily together.

Thankful that the Holy Spirit alone is able to change my heart.

Thankful that God ordained I read those words that so discouraged me in the morning that I might gain strength from them later.  

Thankful for the struggle that I might better appreciate the peace.

1 comment:

Hallie Marie said...

maybe i can be more like you, or at least i want to be! i want to go back to church (haven't returned as i should since having baby girl, almost 2) want to be a better mom to speak kinder words in a more gentle way to my kiddos. want them to experience christ, as only 2 of the 3 get it at school. thanks for the great post !